Are you recovering from a narcissistic ex? Are the psychological, emotional, and financial repercussions kicking in? Are you feeling empty and used.

Dating a narcissist is exhausting and you are better out of this abusive relationship. Wanting a positive reaction from the breakup of this relationship will never happen. Narcissists lack EMPATHY. They will quickly move onto their next victim, and won’t even consider the destruction they left behind, instead they will label YOU as the problem, the “crazy” one. 

For those questioning whether their ex was a Narcissist? Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.

How a Narcissist treats you:

  • Lie to you, many cheat
  • Put you down
  • Put themselves first
  • They dance around defining the relationship
  • When you breakup with them, they lash out

This is how a narcissist manipulates you:

  • Labelling others with terms like loser or needy
  • Gaslighting
  • Displacing painful emotions onto others
  • Exaggerating their feats and other’s faults
  • Intimidating and bullying others
  • Refusing to answer questions and being evasive
  • Dehumanising and devaluing others
  • They think they’re right about everything… and never apologise

First of all, break ups can be difficult. It’s important to acknowledge that the person you were involved with was a part of your life- someone with who you invested time, energy and thought. Your mind, body, and soul were at some point energetically shared with your partner. Lisa Romano, a breakthrough life coach, sheds light on why breakups can hurt as much as they do. She provides a science-based explanation helping us to better understand that memories formed with a significant other greatly impacts our cellular memory. 

Memories are tied to experiences, thoughts, and feelings; all of which requires time to get over for our minds and bodies to get used to living a life outside of the comfort and familiarity of a past relationship. She claims that we must mourn the potential future memories that we would have created whilst we were still with that person, as well as the past memories we had previously shared with that partner. 

Firstly, you should follow the NO CONTACT rule. This will allow you to regain energy and better understanding on the abuse that took place. By detaching yourself from this person, you will be able to regain your life and confidence back. Warning, narcissist’s have a huge ego and might revert to cruel methods to try and get your attention. You MUST ignore them.  This is the best way to deal with them.

Secondly, start by writing up a list of all the things you imagined the relationship would be; then, be brutally honest and write down all of the reasons why the relationship ended. This is a hard task as now you’ll most likely be faced with what may be a painful reality and the realisation that the life you desired to have with your partner would not be possible within the true context of your past relationship.

We would strongly encourage you to start a daily journal as old memories begin to rise. It’s known that once you’re out of a relationship we can easily fall into heavily occupying our minds with the good memories you shared. Writing up a list of reasons why the relationship ended and regularly revisiting it will help keep you in check by providing a more holistic view on the entirety of the relationship aka the good, the bad and the ugly! We must take the time to mourn and accept past mistakes and actions which ultimately requires being honest with ourselves as well as the roles which we played within the relationship. What parts of yourself did you lose or abandon for the sake of your partner / for the relationship. This is the time to take a hard look at yourself and begin to spot out any patterns/habits you had within the relationship that allowed you to remain in any toxic cycles.  

But wait! -There’s good news! Life is a constant accumulation of new memories that aren’t solely born in the hopes of replacing the old but are formed with the intent of creating enhanced new memories that are better suited to you and further align with your happiness. 

Now that we’ve recognised the weight of memories and time, it’s time to create new ones by re-investing the energy you so freely used to give to someone else…to yourself! Start by doing activities you enjoy, spending time with loved ones and curating a life you love for yourself. You’re so deserving of a loving life beyond romantic relationships. Learn to exert the love and energy you seek and just witness the beautiful love and energy you attract. 

Sending you love, light & healing.

Share with us in the comments if you have dated a Narcissist and how you overcame it.  

By Nhyelete Pale